Fuzzy Wuzzy was a Mama Bear

Was that a contraction?

Oh no, that’s not fair.

I won’t have the chance

to clean up this hair!

What will they think

when I’m in the buff?

Will they be able to see

through my unruly muff?

Will they laugh, will they sneer

or will they coddle and soothe?

When they see my whole Birth Plan,

is just the word smooth.

I mean, what a mess!

And no time to mow..

Just open the curtains

to see the whole show.

Or what if dad leaves,

and they call a nurse in,

will she ask if my beaver’s

my main support person?

Oh what will they say

when I first start to push?

When they’re in elbows deep

in my 70’s bush?

Will babe find their way

without a neat landing strip?

Or will the sperm’s DNA

regret the round trip?

Unleash the beast! - They said in prenatal.

Your primal self, your inner gorilla.

I don’t think they meant,

your panty chinchilla…

But the reality is,

when I tell of this story.

I’ll leave out my pubes,

and all of their glory.

Still shaming pubic hair?

Then I do beg your pardon.

Excuse me

while a baby blooms

from my lush lady garden.